… and the road seems winding, shrouded in clouds. I am in the right place. My heart is right. I am willing, and waiting. Yet there are so many things I do not understand. Sigh. Have you ever felt that way?
In My Utmost for His Highest today, September 12, it seems as though Oswald Chambers is speaking to me (the green highlights are mine):
“Going Through Spiritual Confusion”
Jesus answered and said, ’You do not know what you ask’ —Matthew 20:22
There are times in your spiritual life when there is confusion, and the way out of it is not simply to say that you should not be confused. It is not a matter of right and wrong, but a matter of God taking you through a way that you temporarily do not understand. And it is only by going through the spiritual confusion that you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you.
The Shadow on His Fatherhood (see Luke 11:11-13). Jesus said that there are times when your Father will appear as if He were an unnatural father – as if He were callous and indifferent— but remember, He is not. “Everyone who asks receives . . .” (Luke 11:10). If all you see is a shadow on the face of the Father right now, hang on to the fact that He will ultimately give you clear understanding and will fully justify Himself in everything that He has allowed into your life.
The Strangeness of His Faithfulness (see Luke 18:1-8). “When the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:8). Will He find the kind of faith that counts on Him in spite of the confusion? Stand firm in faith, believing that what Jesus said is true, although in the meantime you do not understand what God is doing. He has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you are asking of Him right now.
So I remain in my cloud of confusion – knowing He is faithful, waiting with confidence and anticipation, standing firm, and trying to remember that it is probably NOT all about ME.
Courage dear friends, you who walk in darkness with me. The sun will rise again.
Mindy Clemons 
A verse that helped adjust my thinking when I was going through a similar physical, emotional, spiritual period. Hebrews 11:6. “Without faith it is impossible to please him,…” Many of us know that part-but the part that struck me with force was …”for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.”
How often do we try to draw near to God discouraged, depressed, defeated maybe just to complain? Do you feel like no one is getting you, even God? When was the last time you came into his presence with not just words of thanksgiving but thanksgiving in your heart? (aside: Psalm 95) When was the last time you came “believing”–expecting a blessing?
Isaiah 43:19 says “Behold I am doing a new thing; now it springs fourth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert”. If you’re in that place that seems like a wilderness where there is thirst and confusion about wich way to go draw near to God in anticipation of receiving…as if it were already done. Because it is.
Beka, You are so right! Thank you. I always think of Habbakuk standing on the watchtower, waiting to see what God has to say to him. Anticipating an answer. I also take comfort that the Is 43:19 verse you mentioned is THE verse that God gave me in 2006 when He called me to leave my secular career field and to give my heart and energy to women’s ministry. You could not have known that – so I’ll take it as another reminder that He has not forgotten me. Of course not. I am just impatient. : ) Love you!
funny i started reading this a few days ago and now just got a moment to finish it…crazy life in the midst of all the craziness in the world!! i just wanted to say thank you for this post!! i had a profound comment to right but i keep getting interrupted(crying kids!) i love your comment, it is not all about me…that has been my newest battle cry…God is showing me that!! thanks again for your ministry, it continues to bless us!!
Jennifer, Thinking of you all and your spouses in these busy days! It is often hard to remember that it’s not all about me… In fact, I have started blogging when teahcing Bible study so that I have a place to talk about what I learned… so I can focus in class on what other people have learned and how to help them apply it. Thanks for the encouragement!