… and the road seems winding, shrouded in clouds. I am in the right place. My heart is right. I am willing, and waiting. Yet there are so many things I do not understand. Sigh. Have you ever felt that way?
In My Utmost for His Highest today, September 12, it seems as though Oswald Chambers is speaking to me (the green highlights are mine):
“Going Through Spiritual Confusion”
Jesus answered and said, ’You do not know what you ask’ —Matthew 20:22
There are times in your spiritual life when there is confusion, and the way out of it is not simply to say that you should not be confused. It is not a matter of right and wrong, but a matter of God taking you through a way that you temporarily do not understand. And it is only by going through the spiritual confusion that you will come to the understanding of what God wants for you.
The Shadow on His Fatherhood (see Luke 11:11-13). Jesus said that there are times when your Father will appear as if He were an unnatural father – as if He were callous and indifferent— but remember, He is not. “Everyone who asks receives . . .” (Luke 11:10). If all you see is a shadow on the face of the Father right now, hang on to the fact that He will ultimately give you clear understanding and will fully justify Himself in everything that He has allowed into your life.
The Strangeness of His Faithfulness (see Luke 18:1-8). “When the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:8). Will He find the kind of faith that counts on Him in spite of the confusion? Stand firm in faith, believing that what Jesus said is true, although in the meantime you do not understand what God is doing. He has bigger issues at stake than the particular things you are asking of Him right now.
So I remain in my cloud of confusion – knowing He is faithful, waiting with confidence and anticipation, standing firm, and trying to remember that it is probably NOT all about ME.
Courage dear friends, you who walk in darkness with me. The sun will rise again.