Colossians 4. Ok, I know you thought I skipped over the wives submit to your husbands (3:18) verse… I kinda wanted to, because it can be such an unpleasant topic. But if you can all agree to not cause drama, then I would like to offer some comments on how Colossians 3-4 tackles relationships from a Christlike perspective.

In Colossians 3 we discovered that Christ living in us enables us to put on a new, Christ-like character. That character included traits like compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another, forgiving each other, love, the peace of Christ, and thankfulness (3:12-15). This type of character is what is expected of all who call themselves Christians; it is the starting point for all relationships – for men, women, married, singles, children, parents, employees, and employers.

Christ-like relationships start with humility, a willingness to seek the best for the other person. When we do that, we are walking in God’s way, and He promises to bless us. The word submit (3:18, Greek hypotasso) is defined as yielding to governance or authority. It is a voluntary choice to adopt a modest, cooperative demeanor that puts others first. To submit does not convey some innate inferiority, it conveys a strength in choosing to set one’s own desires and selfishness aside. Christian submission finds its ultimate example in Christ, who submitted himself and set aside his own power and deity to serve and save humankind.

The Christian’s call to submission – in the home, in the workplace, in the church, or in the government is never a blind or unthinking submission. Choosing to view others as more important than yourself does not mean lying down so everyone can walk all over you. It does not mean spending all your time and energy meeting everyone else’s needs until there is nothing left of you. Do not equate exhaustion with selfless serving.

In marriage, both parties are called to mutual submission – to love each other as Christ loved the church and laid down his life for her. Neither side puts their desires first nor has an attitude of greater importance; both work together for mutual benefit. Do not be harsh with each other (3:19). Do not provoke each other lest the other become discouraged (3:21).

Perhaps the most challenging command is let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person (4:6). If we could just do that – keep the words that come out of our mouths in the helpful/useful/encouraging category, we would be well on our way to developing Christ-like character in relationships.

The best advice I have heard recently for a healthy marriage is this: Regardless of how you feel toward your spouse on any given day, you should still wake up each morning and ask yourself what you can do to make your spouse’s day better. That is setting aside your own desires, in love and humility, for the betterment of your partner. Let’s try to do that this week!