Luke 17. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent’, you must forgive him.” (17:3-4)

Whew. I’m not going to lie; I’ve got some issues with these instructions. When I am the person who keeps screwing things up, then I really appreciate that Jesus says other people are supposed to forgive me and appreciate the fact that I am really trying to get myself together over here! But when it’s someone else who keeps making mistakes, or who has made a big mistake that hurt a lot, then I just honestly do not feel like forgiveness ought to be extended over and over again. Where is the justice in that? So, endless forgiveness for me but not for you… hypocritical of me, eh? (I am just telling you what my instincts are regarding forgiveness and justice.) It was C.S. Lewis who said, “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.” (Mere Christianity)

Jesus teaches that forgiving others is a way of life for those who follow Him, because we have also been forgiven by God. In the Lord’s Prayer we say, “… and forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who have sinned against us…” (Luke 11:4). That line always makes me a little nervous! Forgiveness is a complicated concept, so allow me to share a few things I have learned:

First, in forgiveness you decide to not hold the offender’s sin against them. (God does the same for us.) You release the offender, and that release empowers you to no longer be marked or controlled or identified by that person’s sin. This aspect of release – letting go of it – brings healing to you.

Second, note that the offender in this text returns with a repentant heart to ask for forgiveness. The offender realizes they have done something wrong, they admit responsibility for it, they desire to do differently, and they humbly approach you looking for mercy and grace. It’s a good thing to have a repentant heart, that is the way forward. It is much harder to work with blindness, denial, stubbornness, blame-shifting, pride, or a refusal to do anything differently.

Third, reconciliation is not the same as forgiveness, though they are connected. You can forgive and never see reconciliation, or it might be quite a while, or the offender might not even know you forgave them or care about reconciliation. “Reconciliation requires truth telling, admission of fault, genuine repentance, the request for forgiveness, the discernment of the admission as true or fake, the acceptance of that admission, the beginning and development of trusting that person again, and then the eventual reconciliation and restoration of that relationship.” (Scot McKnight) Until trust is rebuilt, boundaries make sense. There’s no scriptural requirement for you to keep giving money to a gambling addict, to believe the next promise from a habitual liar, or to keep giving access to your heart to someone who hurts you. You can forgive but also have boundaries. (And all the therapists applauded…)

Fourth and final point, this command to forgive a repentant sinner 7+ times in a day is immediately preceded by the warning, woe to those who cause others to stumble (17:1-2). Jesus is definitely not glossing over the kinds of sins that are deeply damaging to others – like sexual abuse, serial adultery, patterns of pastoral abuse, or abuse of positions of trust or power. He says, it would be better for you to drown with the cement shoes on than to be responsible for causing so much harm to others.

Forgiveness is an important aspect of the character of God. Remember the character of the Father in the parable of the Prodigal Son, welcoming home the repentant offender (Luke 15)? Jesus repeatedly reminds us of the value of forgiveness in the kingdom of God.

What do you need to let go of an forgive someone for? Can you articulate the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation? What stood out to you from Luke 17?